anatomy of a french dinner

I thought I knew what to expect when I was invited for dinner in a french home. Isn't it the same as in the US?  Come at 7:00, hors d'oeuvres before the meal, dinner, dessert, coffee, au revoir.  Right?  Not exactly.


The first time we were invited over to a french home, it was for an apéritif, which I thought meant a quick drink with an hors d'oeuvre or two.  I found out later that what I was actually invited to was an apéritif dinatoire.  What I was told at my French Conversation group (after the fact) is that an apéritif dinatoire is what you invite someone to if you want to invite them over, but don't want to host an entire dinner for them.  Sort of like when you go on a first date with someone, you meet them for coffee rather than go out to dinner.  To test the waters, I guess.  Anyway, in reality, what I have found is that an apéritif dinatoire is just an excuse to invite someone over and feed them every delicious thing you can imagine that is bite sized, in course after course after course, with champagne and wine in between.  But it's not a dinner.  Because with dinner you get cheese and dessert.

cheese comes near the end of dinner

If you are lucky enough to be invited to a french home for dinner, you are usually invited for 8:00.  That's a lot later than dinner is usually hosted in the States.  Before dinner, they'll often offer you a glass of champagne or wine and maybe some nuts.  After awhile, you'll move over to the dinner table and the first course will be served, also known as the entrée (which, by the way, is not an entree.)  The entrée is often fish, but not always.  If you look around at the end of the first course, you'll notice that every french person has a perfectly clean plate in front of them.  They use their bread to wipe the plate in preparation for the next course.  No one told me about this custom, which by the way, you wouldn't do in a fine restaurant (I've been advised).  If you are not french, like me, and your plate is really dirty, they'll give you a new one for the next course.  And that's okay.  No big deal.  Don't be embarrassed.  Anyway, the second course is usually the plat, what we would call an entrée.  You can clean your plate or not, but get ready because the salad and the cheese are next!  After the salad and cheese comes dessert, which amazingly is called "dessert."  Then coffee or tea, a tisane, or an infusion (which we would also call "tea" even though there is no "tea" in them.)


If you are all having a really great time and if you are not driving, the host will pull out a special bottle of some home made brew that is stronger than you can imagine.  This has happened to us twice.  The first time, our friend Olivier went to a big wooden trunk that looked like a treasure chest and pulled out a round bottle of liquor that looked like it had been sitting on the bottom of the sea.  It was made with pears and it was GREAT!  The second time was with Mylène and Jean at their home in the country.  Jean pulled out a bottle of french gnôle, a 50+ year old prune liquor that was made by Mylène's grandfather.  Check out the bottle!

can you see the hunter with rifle and game in the bottle?

Other Observations
I have never seen a french person get up to go to the restroom at someone else's house.  Never at a dinner party, never at a party, never at french conversation.  Whenever we have people over, Christopher cleans the bathroom in preparation and then says, "The bathroom is now clean so that NO ONE can use it!"


In France, this is what a table setting usually looks like:

french table setting

Notice that the fork is placed tines down.  This is because King Louis XIV was tired of having his lacy cuffs snagged on the forks when he sat down for dinner.  Cool, right?  I always set the table with the tines down now, but Gaius goes to each place setting and flips them over the "english" way.  I have to keep reminding him that he SPEAKS english but is NOT ENGLISH.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.


I hope this has prepared you for the next time you are invited over to a french home for dinner.  (special nod to Jackie, Tony, Bonnie & Ed)


à bientôt!